I Know Where I've Been So..........

2day I was a lil' down about somethings, and I started to think to myself about how I didn't wanna end up back to that dark place I was in my life last year. During that dark time I lost a total of 50 pounds due to stress. Some reasons for that stress was the lost of my grandfather (who until this day, I can't believe is gone), one of my cousins was murdered, and I was living alone trying to make it while struggling on my own. I mean it was rough. It was the 1st time I was out on my own without a roommate. @ the time I was going through so much that I lost contact with friends (some needed to be done with @ that particular time), and I chose not to involve my family in what I was going through because I didn't want them to know my about my lifestyle, which was something I was having issues with @ the time due to previous unhealthy relationships that year. Naturally we were all there for one another during the deaths, but I still had to go home alone which @ the time I really had no friends due to what I mention above. Even though I know my family loves me, and wouldn't have seen me struggle like that. But as a man I didn't wanna depend on anyone , so I worked 2 jobs to make it on top of going to school. Plus I didn't want anyone judging me, my lifestyle, and the situations I was going through or put myself in. Plus I had to take time to even understand what & why I was going through what I was going through. I mean I can go on & on about my crazy life from last year, but I'm going to just say what helped me through it all was 1st and foremost God. I started to pray more. 2nd I started to use a tool I never had turned to before... family. Things got so bad I had to cry out to someone. So once I did things started to get better, but still remained hard just a bit. But I said to myself, Deonte' you need to set some goals for yourself, and follow them. I said 2008 has to be a much better year. So I started pulling it together, and when the beginning of the year started things started out perfect, then I found myself making some of the same mistakes, and getting involved in situations that I knew I should not be allowing myself to even get caught up with. Even tho its just May I was like OK D its starting again, how your going to fix it. So I did! I started going to church which has really been helpful to me. I started to focus on work & school more. And even stepped out of my I hate men box and started to date again. But things seem to be starting to crumble just a bit. So as I sat @ my desk today upset. Then I started to look back at how my life was before now. I started saying to myself oh hell no man. Its no way I'm going to go back to how I felt before. There is no reason to be sad.. (even tho I am). Look @ what you been through. I feel like this. If I can get pass all the stuff I went through last year, and still get up smile, and not be as torn apart as I was. Then there is nothing I can't get pass now. So yeah I'm feeling a lil' down or upset now, but I know where I'm going, because only the lord knows and understands where I been. So I leave y'all with one of my favorite songs from last year, and a song that has helped me get through all my hard times. See I know there is something great ahead for me. So I can't let the lil' bumps in the road slow me up. I do hope that the currents things and situations I'm perusing works out. Whether it's the promotion I'm trying to get @ work, the apartment I'm looking into, my current relationship, or the many other ventures in my life I'm trying to sustain. But I will not let failure, if it occurs in anyone of these situations I've mention, get to me so bad that I block what may be a blessing in disguise, and end up all mess up again. Life is to short. I gotta live.



Listen to the lyrics in this song!!!!!!!!!!! They are the truth and very inspirational.