Wednesday, May 7, 2008

I Know Where I've Been So..........

2day I was a lil' down about somethings, and I started to think to myself about how I didn't wanna end up back to that dark place I was in my life last year. During that dark time I lost a total of 50 pounds due to stress. Some reasons for that stress was the lost of my grandfather (who until this day, I can't believe is gone), one of my cousins was murdered, and I was living alone trying to make it while struggling on my own. I mean it was rough. It was the 1st time I was out on my own without a roommate. @ the time I was going through so much that I lost contact with friends (some needed to be done with @ that particular time), and I chose not to involve my family in what I was going through because I didn't want them to know my about my lifestyle, which was something I was having issues with @ the time due to previous unhealthy relationships that year. Naturally we were all there for one another during the deaths, but I still had to go home alone which @ the time I really had no friends due to what I mention above. Even though I know my family loves me, and wouldn't have seen me struggle like that. But as a man I didn't wanna depend on anyone , so I worked 2 jobs to make it on top of going to school. Plus I didn't want anyone judging me, my lifestyle, and the situations I was going through or put myself in. Plus I had to take time to even understand what & why I was going through what I was going through. I mean I can go on & on about my crazy life from last year, but I'm going to just say what helped me through it all was 1st and foremost God. I started to pray more. 2nd I started to use a tool I never had turned to before... family. Things got so bad I had to cry out to someone. So once I did things started to get better, but still remained hard just a bit. But I said to myself, Deonte' you need to set some goals for yourself, and follow them. I said 2008 has to be a much better year. So I started pulling it together, and when the beginning of the year started things started out perfect, then I found myself making some of the same mistakes, and getting involved in situations that I knew I should not be allowing myself to even get caught up with. Even tho its just May I was like OK D its starting again, how your going to fix it. So I did! I started going to church which has really been helpful to me. I started to focus on work & school more. And even stepped out of my I hate men box and started to date again. But things seem to be starting to crumble just a bit. So as I sat @ my desk today upset. Then I started to look back at how my life was before now. I started saying to myself oh hell no man. Its no way I'm going to go back to how I felt before. There is no reason to be sad.. (even tho I am). Look @ what you been through. I feel like this. If I can get pass all the stuff I went through last year, and still get up smile, and not be as torn apart as I was. Then there is nothing I can't get pass now. So yeah I'm feeling a lil' down or upset now, but I know where I'm going, because only the lord knows and understands where I been. So I leave y'all with one of my favorite songs from last year, and a song that has helped me get through all my hard times. See I know there is something great ahead for me. So I can't let the lil' bumps in the road slow me up. I do hope that the currents things and situations I'm perusing works out. Whether it's the promotion I'm trying to get @ work, the apartment I'm looking into, my current relationship, or the many other ventures in my life I'm trying to sustain. But I will not let failure, if it occurs in anyone of these situations I've mention, get to me so bad that I block what may be a blessing in disguise, and end up all mess up again. Life is to short. I gotta live.

Listen to the lyrics in this song!!!!!!!!!!! They are the truth and very inspirational.


Jeff0418 said...

First off let me say you are taking the right steps by getting back involved into church and vocalizing whats going on inside of you thats always a go to release unwanted stress. When you give it to God totally he will always make a way for you.So good for you I praying and hoping all the endeavors you are striving for come to pass from your promotion,apt. and your relationship. It's gonna happen for you just keep the faith D.

AcousticSoul said...

Look here Deonté, we as human beings are going to struggle. We will have ups, and downs. It's how we face adversity that brings us through.

God creates storms for us go through. Often times, once we reach the strom placed before us, we tend to linger there longer than necessary. He is the strength we need to get though.

Stay prayerful. Keep turning to God. He will direct your path. Your steps are already ordered. Turn to him for direction.

. . . . and eat a sandwich!

小小彬 said...

I love it! Very creative!That's actually really cool.

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